MISSING CAT
A friend’s cat recently went missing, and she asked us to share her information with our readers. We don't usually do this kind of thing, given our well-known pro-evolution/human-superiority values, but we made an exception for her.
Mom sent us two photos. This one was taken last week:
And this is a creative depiction of what Mom believes Kitty is currently experiencing:
If anyone has any information regarding Kitty’s whereabouts, please comment below. We did check her spot at the dumpster near the Arby’s, but she wasn’t there. Mom also shared the following message, dedicated to her beloved.
Dear Kittifer “Kitty” Kat,*
Please come home. Every day without you feels like an eternity. Yesterday, I found myself collecting all your little strays from the floor. My hairball wasn’t as dense as yours, but it helped for a while.
The outside world has many pleasures, but safety is not one of them. Which one of your street friends will help you with your medication? Who will lift your tail and apply your Glandex? Tell me their names and I’ll never bother you again.
I’d do anything to see you today. I’d shovel coal on an ocean liner. I’d work the night shift at 7-Eleven. I’d even hang out with my sister’s dog. You remember the one, with the balls.
A mother’s love may be endless, but my patience is not. Come home immediately, or I will continue to cry myself to sleep and possibly die from dehydration. You don’t even need to scratch at my window. Every night, I leave the front door wide open, ready for you to prance inside. Our favorite dinner will be waiting: a can of tuna and a fresh rat.
Sincerely,
Mama
*A note for your readers… I know about the initials, please don’t bring them up. I promised the doctor who delivered her full naming rights, and she called my bluff. ⬤
EVENT: “iii” EP Release Show
If you’re in Long Beach tonight, the folks at Selenite Records are throwing a party in celebration of Saint Shiver’s latest EP release. “iii” officially dropped yesterday, and you (yes, YOU) can join the rock and roll trio, plus a few special guests, tonight at Vine (2142 E 4th St.).
If you miss the show, you can still listen to iii on Spotify, but I’ll tell you this: we did expect you to be our designated driver. So, no pressure, but it’s become a safety issue. ⬤
