🥚 Tiny Bites

Celebrating (really) short stories before OC Zine Fest

Aug 29, 2024

[With OC Zine Fest fast approaching, we’re taking a moment to consider the little things. We hope you’ll enjoy this collection of (short) short stories from our archives, ranging from a POV of death to the poetry inside TV credits. Scroll to the bottom for more information about OC Zine Fest, but first…

The Daily Egg has a NEW LOGO!

The little guy below us is one of the Yolks. You may have met them if you snagged our Tiny House zines from LA Zine Fest, but you’ll see more of these guys soon. The Daily Egg logo has been itching for a refresh, so we’ll be debuting these Mascots of the Yolkult next week! Things are going to get a lil runny.]

REVIEW: Death (& dying)

Two days ago, I died. I drank a delicious mixture of chocolate milk, peanut butter, and yellow bleach (you can find the full recipe on my Instagram). Then I took a seat and called an ambulance. Within two minutes, my severe peanut allergy did its job and closed my throat. My last memory is of two jumper-laden men rushing into my home, and stabbing me in the heart with multiple EpiPens. For 5 short minutes, I was legally dead.

I decided to review death because it’s the only thing that all great people have in common. Every single one of the Earth’s superstars (Marie Curie, Robin Williams, Famous Amos) made sure to die after living their life, and I wanted to see what the big deal was! I’ll admit my expectations were pretty high: I’ve donated to PBS regularly (at least every two years), and I expected any afterlife gods to take that into major consideration.

To my surprise, there was no afterlife. My soul had left my body and landed inside LAX.* The lines were long, but not abnormally so, and the scent of sterilized musk filled the air. My uncertainty must have been evident because heads began looking my way.

A goblin-monkey in a blue vest approached me and asked if I was arriving or departing. I told him I didn’t know, and the goblin-monkey rolled his eyes and asked the question again, louder. I still didn’t know, so the goblin-monkey threw his arms in the air, and called me a “f*cking immigrant.” He reached for my hand, but his paw was covered in a smelly brown sludge, so I pulled away.

That’s when he got really mad. He told me the sludge was medicinal. I told him I thought I was dead. He said that wasn’t his problem.

The goblin-monkey was shouting at his walkie-talkie when my soul began to squirm. I was being dragged back to the real world. In those milliseconds prior to (re)awakening, I searched for some meaning in that airport* lobby, some indicator that our mortal lives have meta-physical consequences.

Then the goblin-monkey slapped me and I woke up.

RATING: ★ 1/5 Stars - Do Not Recommend/Overrated

*It also could have been IKEA

How To Be An Everyday Hero

pressing advice by Officer Cameron Jenner

War doesn’t look the same to everyone. Right now America is in a war for the culture. One side fights for freedom while the other simps for Starbucks and communism. Both think they’re right, but only one has the moral and historical high ground.

America is worth protecting: we invented the atomic bomb, built the Grand Canyon, and solved racism. If you’ve got Christ in your heart, beef in your teeth, and want to eradicate America’s dissent, keep reading. Here are some things to remember for all you (everyday) heroes.

Never use two words when one punch will do.
Critical eyes recognize CNN’s lies.
Know your friends: real ones never disagree with you.
Privacy is the poor man’s lawyer. 5) Camo is our business casual.
“Rights” are a privilege, not actual rights.
What others do in my country is my business.

And when all is said and done, remember: if you’re not fighting, you’re losing.

Credits (Poem)

BOAT TIME

“Hey that looks like my boat,” Gabriel said from the dock. His luggage was heavy but, luckily, there seemed to be no wait for when the boat DID arrive.

He squinted to read the bum of the departed vessel. Rays of sunset obscured his view.

“Life’s A Laugh,” Gabriel read. “That’s the same name as my boat.” How odd that a company would give TWO different crafts the same name! That was sure to confuse less experienced travelers. “I would NOT want to be part of THAT customer service team.”

Night soon arrived, at which point Gabriel had to ask himself: just how late was this boat going to be? “Do they expect me to wait around all night?”

Of course, he did exactly that, and Gabriel started to worry when the sun rose. My bags are all packed, he thought. And I already told my friends I was leaving. There was no reassurance in the early morning glow. All he saw were ocean waves, crashing and foaming, disappearing in the sand.

Maybe, just maybe, he missed the boat. ⬤